Monday, September 14, 2015

It Is the Doubt That Fuels the Fire

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.-- Rene Descartes

I've never been favored to win anything. In fact, I've never even been the underdog in anything. The underdog is chosen to not defeat the favorite. In reality, I've been largely off the radar... on paper.

Michael Caine apparently said, "Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath." Why, you may ask, would I quote The Dark Knight's butler? I did because I once used that quote in an interview when asked to describe myself. I'm not much of a trash talker. If I receive any praise, it makes me very uncomfortable. I have a lot to say but only speak when it's necessary or helpful. My first semi-pro football game I stood on the sidelines staring across the field at the other side while the team got pumped up. One veteran walked over to me and sort of yelled, "hey man, are you ready to go!!!" I slowly turned my head and said, "yeah." That was it. 

There is only one other thing I love in this world more than running. My wife and kids. Everything else is either a distant second, not on the radar, or an afterthought. But with that love for running comes an angst. Sometimes you just don't want to get out of bed. Some days you don't want to do the long run. You set goals that cannot be met or you can actually feel yourself falling short. Running will tell you point blank what's what.

Aside from your own doubt, the doubt of others will no longer remain above the fray. Some will say, "why do a marathon?" Others will say, "just go to the gym." For every goal set, there are the voices in your head and the folks in your face that are telling you precisely why you cannot and will not accomplish said goals.

It is amazing how this idea of doubt can mirror life. I've been told that I would never get a degree. I've been told that the likelihood of me getting to the next level is so infinitesimal that it is a waste of time to try. Of course, hind sight is 20/20 and anything that I've overcome seems like a triumphant story but close your eyes and imagine the voices, the voices in the moment telling you that it cannot be done.

I run because I can. I set goals because I can still get better. I live because I have air in my lungs and I'm driven for the same reason.

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